32 Quotes From The Twilight Movies That Are Surprisingly Funny

Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart as Edward and Bella in Twilight
(Image credit: Summit Entertainment)

One of the best vampire movies we’ve seen from Hollywood is the 2008 adaptation of Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight starring Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. The brooding romance became so popular that it spawned four more movies and helped launch the careers of many of the members of the Twilight cast. While the franchise often deals with some major life-and-death situations along with putting a new twist on the mythology of vampires and werewolves, there are many instances where they were surprisingly funny, too. 

Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson in Twilight

(Image credit: Summit Entertainment)

"You better hold on tight, spider monkey." - Edward Cullen, Twilight 

One of the most iconic lines in the Twilight saga comes during the first movie not long after Bella Swan officially learns Edward Cullen is a vampire. During one of their dates following Edward being candid about his big secret, he has her go on his back and they do a high-flying jaunt through Forks, Washington’s lush forests. As they get ready to do this, Bella calls her a spider monkey… being the romantic he is, of course. 

Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson as Bella and Edward in Twilight

(Image credit: Summit Entertainment)

“You know, your mood swings are kind of giving me whiplash.” - Bella Swan, Twilight  

When Bella Swan is first getting to know her mysterious lab partner, Edward Cullen, she notices that his mood changes by the day. When she comments on his “mood swings,” she has of course no idea that he’s really a vampire who was sometimes between excursions to feed on animal blood. 

Taylor Lautner as Jacob Black in Twilight

(Image credit: Summit Entertainment)

“Bella! Where the hell have you been, loca?”- Jacob Black, New Moon

When Bella Swan deals with an agonizing breakup with Edward Cullen in the second movie, New Moon, she reconnects with her childhood friend, Jacob Black. When he first greets her, he says this memorable line that will likely be quoted to Taylor Lautner for the rest of his life. 

Twilight dinner scene

(Image credit: Summit Entertainment)

“Get a whiff of that, here comes the human!” - Rosalie Hale, Twilight 

Most people can relate to the anxiety that might accompany introducing one’s date to their parents for the first time. In the case of Bella Swan meeting the Cullens, his vampire mother Esme Cullen could literally smell Bella coming to their home due to the odor from her blood! 

Jackson Rathbone in Twilight.

(Image credit: Summit Entertainment)

“I vote yes. It would be nice not to want to kill you all the time.” - Jasper, New Moon 

Before Bella Swan becomes a vampire at the end of Breaking Dawn, Part 1, the Cullen family spend a lot of time thinking about whether they are going to allow the teen to be part of their vampire family. During a vote in New Moon, Jasper Hale, who is the newest vampire of the bunch shares he’s very into the idea because as a human he always has thoughts of sucking her sweet, sweet blood. 

Bella and werewolves in New Moon

(Image credit: Summit Entertainment)

“I guess the wolf’s out of the bag.” - Embry Call, New Moon 

In New Moon, Bella Swan learns that Forks, Washington isn’t only the home to a family of vampires but a clan of werewolves, too! Bella first finds out when one of the members of Jacob’s pack gets heated during a conversation with them and transforms into a werewolf in front of her eyes. After the intense moment, one of the members of the pack, Embry Call, quips with this funny line. 

Ashley Greene as Alice Cullen in Twilight: New Moon

(Image credit: Summit Entertainment)

“Bella, what is that god awful wet dog smell?” - Alice Cullen, New Moon 

As the vampires and werewolves of Forks interact throughout the Twilight movies, it’s made pretty apparent that they both don’t like each other much. When Alice Cullen comes back to see Bella after Edward previously broke up with her, she notices right away that she’s been spending a lot of time with werewolves with this quote. 

Anna Kendrick in Twilight.

(Image credit: Summit Entertainment)

Jessica Stanley: “Aren’t people from Arizona supposed to be like, really tan?” Bella Swan: “Yeah, maybe that’s why they kicked me out.” - Twilight

Twilight begins with Bella Swan moving to Forks, Washington to live with her father after living in Phoenix, Arizona with her mom for some time. Early in the movie as she is getting to know her classmates, there are quite a few awkward moments, like Anna Kendrick’s Jessica Stanley quipping about how her complexion is rather pale for someone from Arizona. 

Emmett Cullen's wedding toast in Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 1

(Image credit: Summit Entertainment)

"Bella, I hope you've gotten enough sleep these last 18 years. Because you won't be getting anymore for a while!” - Emmett Cullen, Breaking Dawn Part 1

Leave it to the best man to embarrass the bride and groom at the wedding! In Breaking Dawn Part 1 during the couple's lavish backyard reception, Edward's vampire brother offers a toast to the newlyweds by telling Bella he hopes she got "enough sleep." It's of course a reference to her plans to become a vampire, and vampires don't sleep! 

Edward and Bella in Twilight

(Image credit: Summit Entertainment)

"Could you at least act human? I mean, I've got neighbors." - Bella Swan, Twilight  

Once Edward and Bella have fully talked about his secret identity as a vampire in the first Twilight movie, he starts getting a little show-offy around her while they are hanging out at her front porch. Bella responds with a funny line asking her new boyfriend to at least try to “act human.” 

Rosalie Hale in Twilight

(Image credit: Summit Entertainment)

“Is she even Italian?” - Rosalie Hale, Twilight

If you didn’t know, Bella isn’t just a name, it also means “beautiful” in Italian. So, when Bella Swan met Edward’s family for the first time, they decided to take inspiration by cooking her an Italian dinner in celebration of her name. No, the character isn’t Italian, which Rosalie mentions right before the meeting before smashing a bowl of salad upon their first meeting. 

Edward Cullen and Bella Swan in Twilight

(Image credit: Summit Entertainment)

Yeah, I had an adrenaline rush. It’s very common. You can Google it.” - Edward Cullen, Twilight 

In the early days of Edward and Bella’s relationship, Bella is always questioning and trying to figure him out, especially after he runs over and pushes an entire van from slamming into her early into Twilight. When she probes him about it, he at first simply chalks it up to an “adrenaline rush.” 

Bella Swan in Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2

(Image credit: Summit Entertainment)

“Nessie? You nicknamed my daughter after the Loch Ness monster?” - Bella Swan, Breaking Dawn, Part 2 

And, who can forget Edward and Bella’s creepy vampire baby, Renesmee whom Jacob Black imprints on in Breaking Dawn, Part 2? It was a controversial development in the franchise for sure, but the movie wasn’t afraid to make light of it in one confrontation between Bella and Jacob where he calls her Nessie and the new mother goes berserk on him about it.  

Edward and Bella breaking up in Twilight Saga: New Moon

(Image credit: Summit Entertainment)

“Doesn’t he own a shirt?” - Edward Cullen, Eclipse  

In order to transform into Jacob Black as a werewolf in New Moon, Taylor Lautner got into crazy good shape for the second movie and so forth. But then the movies became known for Jacob often taking off his shirt on camera. In one scene in Eclipse, Edward jokes about this to Bella by asking if he even owns a shirt. 

Taylor Lautner in Twilight Saga: Eclipse

(Image credit: Summit Entertainment)

"I kissed Bella and she broke her hand. Punching my face. It was a complete misunderstanding." - Jacob Black, Eclipse  

A big part of the Twilight movies was the contention between Edward and Jacob, which Taylor Lautner has shared even spilled into their actual relationship. During Eclipse, Jacob ends up actually kissing Bella while she’s in a relationship with Edward, which leads her to punch him in the face and break her hand because he’s a werewolf. After the incident, Jacob and Edward square off, leading Bella’s dad Charlie to sense the tension and ask what’s wrong. This is how Jacob matter of factly responds and it brings out the comedy of the situation quickly. 

Robert Pattinson in Breaking Dawn Part 1

(Image credit: Summit Entertainment)

Bella Swan: "So, this party. Will there be strippers?" Edward Cullen: “Just a few mountain lions, a couple grizzly bears.” - Breaking Dawn Part 1 

In the first Breaking Dawn movie, Edward and Bella get married, but before they do Edward is stolen away in the night by his brothers for his bachelor party. Bella asks if he’ll have a typical party involving dancers, but he shares that it will involve mountain lions and grizzly bears instead. He’s fully serious, but it is a bit funny that the night before his wedding he’ll be hanging out with animals instead of going out to bars. 

Kristen Stewart in Twilight

(Image credit: Lionsgate)

Bella Swan: “How long have you been 17?” Edward Cullen: "A while..." - Twilight 

During Twilight, Bella Swan finally comes up with the right theory to explain all the wild things going on with her lab partner, Edward Cullen. They meet in the woods and Bella Swan shares that she knows what he is. Before flat out saying “vampire,” she asks him how long he’s been 17 years old. While it’s a serious moment, Edward breaks the tension a bit by simply answering with “a while.” 

Bella in New Moon

(Image credit: Summit Entertainment)

“...So you're the wolf girl.” - Bella Swan, New Moon

While Bella Swan is hanging out with Jacob Black in New Moon, she comes across another clan of mythical creatures in his secret werewolf pack. There she meets Emily Young, who is the fiancée to the leader of the pack, Sam Uley. Bella. When she meets Emily she calls her the “vampire girl,” to which she responds with the above line. 

Kristen Stewart in Twilight.

(Image credit: Summit Entertainment)

Bella Swan: “Look, you gotta give me some answers.” Edward: “Yes. No. To get to the other side. Uh, 1.77245…” - Twilight 

It’s no secret Robert Pattinson’s Edward Cullen can be rather snarky throughout the Twilight movies, and he definitely is as Bella is trying to figure out his true identity. At one point, Bella flat-out asks for answers. Edward gets sarcastic by giving some common answers to things, especially since he’s not ready to tell her the truth on the subject. 

Edward cullen in New Moon

(Image credit: Summit Entertainment)

“I'm nearly one hundred and ten. It's time I settled down.” - Edward Cullen, New Moon 

Throughout most of the Twilight saga, Edward and Bella are contemplating forever as a couple. While Edward starts off rather resistant to the idea of Bella becoming a vampire and being with him for eternity, he does come around to it, quipping that he might as well settle down now that he’s over a century old. 

Billy Burke as Charlie Swan in Breaking Dawn part 1 wedding

(Image credit: Summit Entertainment)

"Edward will be a good husband. I know this because I'm a cop. I know things. Like how to hunt somebody to the ends of the earth. And I know how to use a gun." - Charlie Swan, Breaking Dawn Part 1 

Billy Burke’s Charlie Swan is one of the highlight characters of the Twilight saga, as he often offsets all the vampire and werewolf drama for a more straight-shooter dad approach. One of his funniest moments comes during his speech at Edward and Bella’s wedding, where he lightly threatens Edward while talking about why he’ll be a good husband. 

Nikki Reed as Rosalie baseball scene in Twilight

(Image credit: Summit Entertainment)

"My monkey man." - Rosalie Hale, Twilight  

An especially memorable scene from the first Twilight movie is when Bella is invited to play baseball with the Cullens during a thunderstorm. As Bella witnesses a truly incredible game of the sport as the vampires fly through the air, one moment has Emmett climbing a tree to catch the ball. Rosalie commentates on the moment by calling her lover her “monkey man” in a very loving, but objectively funny way. 

Taylor Lautner as Jacob in Twilight: Eclipse

(Image credit: Paramount)

“Let's face it, I am hotter than you.” - Jacob Black, Eclipse 

Ah, the Edward vs. Jacob matchup. Bella’s love triangle between the two boys really fuels the franchise throughout the movies and as the movies continue to unfold, it’s funny to see the two men take digs at each other. One especially good one is when Jacob Black tells Edward he is “hotter” than him, which is actually scientifically true since werewolf temperatures are higher than humans, while vampires are known in the franchise as the “cold ones.” 

Mike Newton in Twilight

(Image credit: Summit Entertainment)

How you likin' da rain, girl?" - Mike Newton, Twilight

In the first Twilight movie, Bella being the new girl in high school proves to make her instantly interesting to a number of guys. It makes for some awkward but quite funny moments, including this one where Mike Newton asks her if she likes the rain in a questionable accent as Eric is trying to ask her to prom. Ah, teen boys! 

Bella and Eric in Twilight

(Image credit: Summit Entertainment)

Eric Yorkie: “La Push, baby… It’s… La Push.” Bella Swan: "Ok, I'll go if you stop saying that." -Twilight

Bella has to hold her own a lot as the new girl in school whom Jessica describes as being like a “shiny toy” to the other guys. In one memorable scene, Eric keeps calling one of the beaches “La Push, baby.” Bella gives a hilarious response back by calling him out, saying she’ll only go with him if he basically stops being annoying. 

Bella's parents and graduation caps in Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1

(Image credit: Summit Entertainment)

Charlie Swan: “Are those graduation caps?” Renée Dwyer: “Ha! How creative” Charlie: “Or, weird.” - Breaking Dawn, Part 1 

In the first Twilight, when Edward shows Bella his gorgeous house, she notices a massive display of graduation caps over the years, since the Cullens have reached the milestones many times before. Then, in Breaking Dawn Part 1, ahead of Bella getting married, her parents notice it. While her mom brushes it off, Charlie hilariously calls out how “weird” it is. 

Bella and Edward in Breaking Dawn Part 2 as vampires

(Image credit: Summit Entertainment)

“Jake, you really do stink.” - Bella Swan, Breaking Dawn, Part 2 

Bella finally becomes a vampire in the last Twilight movie. When she does, she instantly notices how her friend (and werewolf) Jacob Black totally does smell! Prior, all the other vampires had made the same comment, so it’s a great full-circle moment. 

Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen in Twilight

(Image credit: Summit Entertainment)

"It's the ... um ... Fluorescence." - Edward Cullen, Twilight

Bella starts to notice something fishy going on with Edward quite early into knowing each other, which totally throws the secret vampire off guard. In one scene, Bella comments on his eyes changing colors from the last time they spoke. Thrown off by the comment, Edward just says it’s the “fluorescence” and storms off. 

Jessica and Angela at Edward and Bella's wedding in Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 1

(Image credit: Summit Entertainment)

Jessica Stanley: "So, you think Bella's gonna be showing?" - Twilight, Breaking Dawn Part 1

When Edward and Bella get married in Breaking Dawn Part 1, her human friends have some funny commentary while attending the picturesque ceremony. What takes the cake is when Jessica asks her friends when they think Bella is showing. She is convinced she is pregnant since she’s getting married at the age of 18. 

Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner as Bella Swan and Jacob Black in Twilight Saga: New Moon, Jacob find Bella after she cliff dives

(Image credit: Summit Entertainment)

"Hello, biceps. You know, anabolic steroids are really bad for you." - Bella Swan, New Moon  

Jacob Black goes through a huge transformation in New Moon as he becomes a werewolf. As Bella Swan notices her friend’s new look, she quips that steroids are really not good for him. Little does she know what’s really going on. But she’ll soon find out. 

Edward and Bella in bed in Twilight: Eclipse

(Image credit: Summit Entertainment)

“Stop trying to take your clothes off.” - Edward Cullen, Eclipse

Edward and Bella get plenty romantic and steamy throughout the Twilight movies, but in one awkward sequence in Eclipse, Edward straight up asks her to stop taking her clothes off because he doesn’t want to go there yet with their sexual intimacy. It gets to the point he is trying to make, but is bluntly funny as well. 

Charlie and Jacob in Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 2

(Image credit: Summit Entertainment)

“Jacob, put your clothes on” - Charlie, Breaking Dawn, Part 2

Another funny quote in Twilight is when Jacob Black strips down in front of Charlie in the forest right before showing him he’s really a werewolf. Charlie has no idea what’s about to happen, so he says this line right before Jacob transforms in front of him to his big surprise. 

Twilight may be a thrilling romance, but all those quotes prove there are so many funny moments throughout the five movies as well! 

Sarah El-Mahmoud
Staff Writer

Sarah El-Mahmoud has been with CinemaBlend since 2018 after graduating from Cal State Fullerton with a degree in Journalism. In college, she was the Managing Editor of the award-winning college paper, The Daily Titan, where she specialized in writing/editing long-form features, profiles and arts & entertainment coverage, including her first run-in with movie reporting, with a phone interview with Guillermo del Toro for Best Picture winner, The Shape of Water. Now she's into covering YA television and movies, and plenty of horror. Word webslinger. All her writing should be read in Sarah Connor’s Terminator 2 voice over.